Jeepers Creepers, What Happened to My Peepers?

Everything was going fine until 40 something came along. I could read far, I could read near, and not even the fine print on the trial sized Tylenol was too small for my 20/20 peepers. I felt a smidgen of sympathy for those unable to read what I could, but thought that glasses could even the playing field for them. Both my parents had worn glasses for reading and/or distance, and all of my grandparents had worn them.

Then one day that small print became blurry. Holding it farther away sometimes helped but those jokes about arms being too short were no longer amusing. I went to see the eye doctor. We are supposed to see the eye doctor every year after 40, so I had some catching up to do. The exam was great fun, and I got to look through the Inspector Gadget viewers so that even more letters were blurry. I came out of the office the proud owner of my first pair of glasses. It had been a secret wish of mine as a child to wear both glasses and braces, and in a week or two, I would have my glasses in all their newness, with frames chosen by the eye doctor because I couldn't decide within the five seconds allotted to me.

Once the glasses were ready, I went to pick them up, had them fitted to my ears, cheeks, and nose. Spectacular! I tried them out, they worked, and home my glasses and I went to try them out in real life. They helped with reading, but the computer monitor was just not the right distance for optimal viewing. I solved that problem with a trip to the department store for some reading glasses, and got a pair of 1.25 strength. They worked great on everything, and cost 1/20 what the Real Glasses cost. Plus there was frame chicness aplenty, and the first flowered pair was followed by several others in rapid succession. Why not have a pair in every room of the house? Get some for work, and keep a pair in the car, too. Just like Visa, they were everywhere I wanted to be.

That was years ago. I have now graduated to 2.00 strength. I now visit a nice eye doctor (not the original one) every year and he encourages me to update my original Real Glasses, since they are now 12% out of whack (not the correct medical term) for me. I can't justify the $350 for one pair when I can get all these pretty flowered, polka dotted, and stripey frames for less than $20 each. He isn't pushy about it, so I continue to go see him.

Perfect vision is something to be appreciated, and despite the 2.00 glasses, I do greatly appreciate what's left of my vision. Trying to look under the couch, table, or anything low is difficult and awkward with reading glasses on the tip of my nose, and I have to do some ostrich neck moves so that I can see. When all else fails, I put them on upside down. In the car I can put them on outside my sunglasses for effective reading and a whole new look. Who needs prescription sunglasses? Being an embarrassment to the children is an unfortunate side effect, but it will help acclimate them for the years ahead.